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In a weird stage of my relationship right now. Has anyone been on a break? This is so confusing.

I was at work and thought, maybe I should put my relationship in a pro and con list. And when I started writing, I thought, how the heck could I quantify love in pros and cons. The cons turn into pros, the pros turn into cons. So I decided to just write down exactly what I felt when I was with him.

And it turned into this sort of stream of consciousness. . . . . . .

I hate uncertainty. I miss his voice. I miss his enthusiasm, so contagious. I miss laying next to him in bed, the feel of his chest under my fingers. My hands held in his. I like my freedom. I like my adventure and spontaneity. I like walking around with him in parks, idling, laughing, joking. I don't like being the only one trying. Will you be happy with me? Will we be happy together?

I like our naps. I like your laugh. I like the way your face crumples when you sleep. I like the way you care for me when we're out. I like the warmth of your hand on my lower back and the way your voice sounds when you ask, "Are you sure you're okay?". I love the way my name sounds when it tumbles from your lips. You rarely say it.

I like kissing your neck, your chest, your ears, your arms, your hip. I like massaging your back, making you feel happy. I like seeing your name pop up on my phone when you text me, the sound of your ringtone when you call. I love the image of you in my kitchen, cooking for me. I love the feel of your strong arm when it snakes around my waist and the wetness of your lips when you kiss my neck.

What don't I like? I don't like my jealousy. That flash of jealousy I feel when you talk about pretty girls, when I see your eyes following a girl. I joke about it with you but a part of me will always feel a tad bit jealous. It's healthy, yes? I convince myself of this.

I like that I can be vulnerable in front of you. It took a long time but it happened. I'm just sorry it took so long.

I don't know what to do now. I don't know what's ahead of us.

All I know is that sometimes my heart hurts. And sometimes I miss you so much.

Sorry for the crappy picture quality, I snapped a quick pic on my Macbook before heading out.

I've been eyeing these Dolce Vita's since I've seen them on countless Lookbooks. I love the red, I love the chunky heel, I love the loose ankle. It was a little over $250, which is decently affordable but I had seen them at LF and I know that LF was going to be doing their bi-annual sale soon...so I waited.

And I got lucky! The LF sale started at 9am on a Saturday morning. I got there at 11:05 and the store was FILLED with girls. Clothes strewn everywhere, such a mess. I immediately asked a sales girl if she knew if there were any more red Dolce Vita shoes available and she hurriedly told me to look in the back. Zoomed to the back room and was MEGA LUCKY to find the last pair in my size.

And then waited an hour in line to buy them since there was only one open register (really LF? Come on, plan better). But they were only $92 ($97 with tax) and sooo worth it. I LOVE THEM.

LF is really feeding my Jeffrey Campbell, Sam Edelman and Dolce Vita fix during their sales.

this Topshop top

a little pricey at around $50 but would be super cute for Coachella. i would pair it with a pair of cut off frayed denim shorts and biker boots for a day look.

in NYC, high waist black denim with heels for night or for day, a below the knee A line pleated skirt with oxfords

girlfriends!

damn, moving out and having my girlfriends miles away from me really sucks

men w beards, cameras and tattoos

this Topshop top

another Coachella buy ($32)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

. . .on a lazy Thursday. . .

i would like her hair and lips please

if i can't have that, i would like her mascara and lipstick

thank you

[this is the perfect i just woke up and am all sexy-licious and hey i look like bridget bardot look]

now you're just somebody that i used to know



Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

A Night In The Rain

So the last few days have been pretty melancholy for reasons I'll keep private. It's been raining a lot. Isn't it strange how when you're happy, the rain seems like a beautiful thing that makes you a little introspective and serene. . .and when you're sad, it just expands your sadness.

Ahh, but that's okay. I think rain is beautiful in any way. And sometimes sadness can make you see parts of yourself that you haven't seen before. A little sadness can be a good thing, I think.

Anyways, my friend Ayme came to NYC to spend a little time with me. Well, actually, she came to NYC to go to a 30 Seconds To Mars concert . . . I'm just a super added bonus. Kidding.

After her concert we met up and decided to walk to see the tree at Rockefeller Center (and apparently I can't spell Rockefeller). We had the worst luck; the tree turned off about 3 minutes after we got there. Hah! So we wandered around a little more and found this awesome seasonal water fountain sculpture like thing. And just got silly and took photos in the rain.

Like a child I am. . .

12/02/2011


On Friday night, me and my girlfriends (Ayme & Natasha) got tickets to go see the Max Bemis show at The Bell House in Brooklyn. We were psyched. I listened to Say Anything in high school and loved the lyrics and Max Bemis' voice. I had already seen Say Anything once in college and this would make it my third time (although it was just technically Max Bemis playing an acoustic set). Even better!

The venue was at The Bell House, which, to be honest, is in a really weird area of Brooklyn. I liked the inside of the place but the outside was just all warehouses. I couldn't imagine coming here on my own (or without a car). It just seemed so out of place.

But the inside was cute!

pretty chandeliers in the main room

While waiting for the show to start, I took some silly pictures of my friends....while snacking on some questionable gummy bears.

Ayme can't be without her cell phone. . .by the way, love the nail polish. . .

seems like both Natasha AND Ayme can't keep off Ayme's phone

The two finally pose for a pic. . .except Natasha can't seem to make a normal face!

See Natasha??
Ayme and her sexy garters
Natasha opted for converses this time...apparently a shoe was lost during her last show?

And then the show began!

I tried to get more videos but I had no room on my phone :(

Max Bemis' wife, Sherri Kay DuPree-Bemis is freaking adorable. Just adorable. Yes, she has blue hair. She's also part of the band Eisley and her and Bemis have started their own little band/duo.

I tried to upload the videos on here but my internet connection at home was a little too slow and so I'm gonna have to go to the library and leech off of their wifi. I'll update this post again when I do.

Thanksgiving dinner with the family.

Being an only child means you get to spend a lot of time by yourself. Or in this case, having an uncomfortable dinner with your parents at home.

So much fun.